CHAPTER 1: The T_ _ _ _ _ _ Life; The Company of Myself

Peace and greetings


I believe I have not given a proper introduction of myself other than what is stated in the content of About Me on the right of this page.

Full Name: Muhammad ‘Izuddin Sufian Sujai
Religion: Islam
Race: Malay (personally disputable)
Year of Birth: 1989
Occupation: A Diploma holder awaiting the enlistment of National Service
Ambition(s): Freelance designer, minister, someone genius as Leonardo Da Vinci, a novelist
Favourite quote(s): “I think, therefore I am”, “I am just stranger, just a wanderer”

Before I jump more into the details of myself, I feel an urge to share what exactly I am now striving to achieve within myself. I do not wish to talk about the details with regards what I believe in especially when comes to philosophical and theological issues –I may want to apologise in advance should any of you who stumbled upon this blog feel offended, I would like to apologise in advance. It is because this blog is a sharing platform for me to discuss what I’ve found and may find through time.

I may sound general when I said “…to discuss what I’ve found and may find through time…” but I need to emphasise that this involves of the studies and research I may have made in due time especially the study of Holy Scriptures such as the Quran, the Gospels or the Bible and others including the practices of people of other religions. But rest assured I will do my utmost best in presenting my thoughts with an utmost respect so as to seek opinions from any of you who may find certain of ideas of mine to as misunderstandings. Wait –I should have said all these things in my PRELUDE: BEGINS NIGHT.

Let’s get back to the main subject; what exactly I am now striving for currently. I hope to make things short and simple.

You may want to include that I desire wealth in the aspect of materialism, a healthy mind and body and probably and good family i.e. having a good wife and kids and everything. But that is not just it –in fact, I am not even ready for marriage and I don’t think any of you too are as well. It is not simply about being financially stable but spiritually and mentally as well. You and I can agree that hardships and obstacles are inevitable in life especially as you settle down to start a family but there are other issues that I feel should be considered as well.

I do not intend to digress from the main subject which I am sharing. As much as I wanted to say the abovementioned wants as wants, i.e. having materialistic wealth and health, they turn out to be needs. I need wealth to sustain family especially my parents, myself and the people around especially in feeding my soul by doing acts of charity so as to benefit my humanity –probably our humanity. Moreover, I do not want to be bound by the taxes and debts imposed by the government (and please do not get the wrong idea that I am against the authorities –no, I am not as I believe this happens not only in Singapore but other first-world nations such as America as well).

In any case, what I wish now is accumulating knowledge from all sorts of aspects such as theology, science, philosophy, religions, psychology and the list goes on and on.

I will share with you what briefly what I need for the soul and what I am practising;

As most of you should have known by now, we are in the fasting month of Ramadan where we, Muslims, of all over the globe are not only to abstain ourselves from food and drink from dawn to dusk but as well as our whims and desires. Needless to say, I am doing my best to fight and suppress the beast within me –and I can never describe precisely what it is for now out of personal reasons.

Yet at the same time, I want you to understand I have been through and hence learn from all the mistakes I made in life. It is so much easier to say everybody does make a mistake. I need to add my own words in it; it is depending how we appreciate that temporary remorse and learn from it so as to progress to achieve the best for our humanity.

I do have a bad anger management and for quite some time, I will be quiet most of the time. But because I am always harbouring so many problems within myself, brushing them off aside and ignoring them, thinking everything will be fine, I may vent my frustration upon others especially when they either begin to throw accusations or unreasonably raise their voices at me.

Probably this is something psychological that you and I should learn. Probably this is why this blog exist; for me to yearn for an understanding and at the same time, spreading to the world about myself as probably one of those who are psychologically disturbed. I won’t deny I am unsound –probably you are as well. Will you dare to confess that you do not speak to yourself whenever you’re alone?

Having said all these things above, I hope I have truly made clear as to what exactly I am trying to achieve in life. What is life without a purpose? Am I really deceiving myself by trying to create a meaning in life? How then I ought to live?

There is a reason why the title of this chapter has such an unknown word in between; A T_ _ _ _ _ _ Life. So, what’s the “T” word here? As a matter of fact, I would want to share about my childhood before beginning with a discussion about possibly philosophical issues or what I have come across now.

I apologise for the misleading title about this one in my previous entry. I said today would be about my Childhood but instead, turned out to be The Company of Myself.