Peace and greetings
(Actually, I’m kind of lazy to type and wish I could listen to Sami Yusuf’s Mu’Allim but I need to keep my promise –better get started or I won’t feel like doing in time to come)
Somehow, this was what had been my mind hours before I began pouring in here i.e. Chapter 2.
It was probably towards the end of the first semester of my second year in Republic Polytechnic or after the end of it that I remember what I did before going for a birthday party of one of my facilitators of my tertiary. Whatever problem I had back then was totally complicated –and what if I were to add that it was escalated by my infatuation towards a classmate of mine, a Christian?
It was the moment that I started pondering over my life as a Muslim and doubts were then coming in that I could no longer hold anymore. Explanations over such scepticisms were the best medicines. During that day before I left my house for the birthday party, I was reading about arguments and debates about science in the view of Islam and Christianity (you are advised to stop reading if you’re beginning to feel uncomfortable). Both sides made good claims, explanations, rebuttals and refutations especially when the speaker/presenter representing the Muslims was Dr Zakir Naik. I mean –probably half the Muslim world knew this man.
Perhaps it was hard of me to determine who was truthful and factual, probably because of my strong desire in seeing the faith I held on dearly to triumph over the other. Because I was lacked of knowledge in science –moreover I was not a science but an art student during that time – I did not feel convinced at all. Not that there was some discrepancy in the debate. But even if there was, I could not recognise any as I nearly had no idea what these “scientists” were throwing at each other. It was like, “these science gigs know their stuffs –so, just leave the talks to them” –I wanted to use the case of “chicken and duck” to shed more understanding about how I felt but it probably did not fit in to what I said.
The duration of the evening prayer entered and probably as I was performing my prayer, I started feeling remorse about my childhood.
I was probably beginning to understand the importance of knowledge –to cover the doubts of a soul. And I truly regret to this day for not doing well during my Primary school days. I did not even realise or anticipate such remorse would come.
I began to cry within myself –why hadn’t I done so well back then? I felt as though I’d wasted my childhood, which I believe (now) I did. And I do not wish for another child to suffer the same pain as I do now. Parents, I truly hope that the day when you decided to have a child, you’d do your best in fulfilling your responsibilities as a parent. I do not say that my parents did not –they did. I was the notorious one. I even lied frequently when I was in my fourth year of Primary School.
I was easily influenced by the trends during my time. For those of you who were around my age, you could probably recall ten years ago when Digimon rampaged virtually and Pokémon running and scurrying around. Power Rangers were still kids’ favourites. Those were the days but I was not only exposed to that. I wanted to exaggerate in my description of events –I wish I could but firstly, doing that would mean I was telling a lie and secondly, although I regard it as a horrible moment of my life, some of you might consider it as not a big deal.
Okay. I went to the arcade at the age of ten –on my own. I first knew about it when I was only at the age of either seven or eight but never came back for some time as I was brought by my sister. That would have been the first and the last time I went to the arcade, if it was not of me being in the wrong company of friends.
I met this friend. I’d named him E. I don’t want to expose anyone. God and I know who exactly this fellow is and hence, the name only a letter E (having said all these, obviously I know his real name, duh). Oh –I felt as though I’d a companion. You know –I was probably one of the most stupid kids around since Primary One and perhaps I got bullied for my low grades. But I wasn’t the only “stupidest” kid around –in a nutshell, I wasn’t the only one who got bullied. Guess who were my bullies? We’d a kid from China and he was a couple of years older than any of us in the class despite being Primary One. I am not trying to discriminate anyone but he is from China. I’d to admit –he’s smart. And I got bullied, most of the time verbally. Did I get bullied physically? I couldn’t remember any of that, though I knew I did beat him when I was Primary Two once. Was it out of retaliation or been badly influenced by cartoon shows such as Power Rangers? God knows the truth –but it was true that I did hurt him physically. That kid was such a big brute. Oh, if I remember correctly, he’d cronies. I remember one of them had a name started with the letter D. Again, I did not want to expose anyone –he wore a thin pair of glasses and he was probably a clever kid too.
So, in short I got bullied sometimes for the first four years in my Primary School. I was ten and I knew E, who was from another Primary School. First, we spent time in the library –I was there on my own because I was probably fascinated by books (you know how colourful kids’ books are). Then I met that E guy and gradually, we started spending time not only in the library (by this time, we were already having series of Digimon battles through our respective devices –for those of you who do not know what Digimon devices are, I believe there’s such engine search called “Google”) but having fun in the playgrounds, especially the one at Sun Plaza Park, Tampines.
I wasn’t really into religion during that time despite I was brought up as a Muslim and having to attend for weekend classes. But E was probably a either a Buddhist or Taoist because during that time, we would act as characters from the story Journey to the West and I always played the monk’s role while E wanted a heroic one, mainly Sun Wukong. Did I actually forget to mention I was influenced by Chinese shows too? My siblings watched them and I started to follow as well, beginning with Singapore’s version of The Return of Condor Heroes with the Dragon Girl acted by Fann Wong. Then, somehow I began to be exposed to some of these shows such as the Eight Immortals and Journey to the West and surprisingly, I did know these shows had to do with religions, either Buddhism or Taoism because both had Buddha in them. Action-packed shows were sort of my favourites during that time.
Life was very childish back then. I had little regard for studies and examinations –I scrapped through the papers in the end and got what I wanted to achieve. Needless to say, I did pretty badly for the first few papers every year before coming to the end-of-year examinations, which I managed somehow. Probably because I took life for granted during that time, I still continued to dwell in my ignorance and by sometime during my fourth year in Primary School, E brought me to the arcade.
Life was paradise.
I was exposed to loads of games. E’s favourite was probably King of Fighters series whereas I would go for Marvel Superheroes vs. Street Fighter and then its successors Marvel vs. Capcom and Marvel vs. Capcom 2. We were thrilled by the players of the House of the Dead 2 and always imagined ourselves shooting zombies around wherever we went even in the shopping malls.
I learnt bad habits too such as lying to my parents with regards to my whereabouts. I’d give them excuses I went to the library and would always carry a Power Ranger bag wherever I went probably to give an impression to them I did go to the library. As if that wasn’t enough, I remember lying to my mum once that I requested for a dollar to purchase a keychain. Instead, I used it to by two tokens. After all, one token would cost fifty-cents back then. You could at most play two games or one game that would require two tokens but who cares when you’d all the fun yourself, right? I’d say that arcade was a kid’s pub?
Sadly enough, I learnt to steal from malls, again probably influenced by E and another two friends, F and T. Yes, I should add those were the early days which I started using and spewing vulgarities especially what the bidding farewell of a hen (it’s a vulgar word in Chinese language –I don’t want to state exactly what it sounds) and four letter word beginning with the letter “F”. Yes! It’s Fish! Yes, it’s Fish… What the Fish… if you get what I mean.
Those were the days…
But how did I end up regretting all these? I think I’ve poured my memories too much… too much for any of you to consume. Hey –go to sleep!
To be continued in Chapter 3.
GO TO SLEEP!!!!
(Actually, I’m kind of lazy to type and wish I could listen to Sami Yusuf’s Mu’Allim but I need to keep my promise –better get started or I won’t feel like doing in time to come)
Somehow, this was what had been my mind hours before I began pouring in here i.e. Chapter 2.
It was probably towards the end of the first semester of my second year in Republic Polytechnic or after the end of it that I remember what I did before going for a birthday party of one of my facilitators of my tertiary. Whatever problem I had back then was totally complicated –and what if I were to add that it was escalated by my infatuation towards a classmate of mine, a Christian?
It was the moment that I started pondering over my life as a Muslim and doubts were then coming in that I could no longer hold anymore. Explanations over such scepticisms were the best medicines. During that day before I left my house for the birthday party, I was reading about arguments and debates about science in the view of Islam and Christianity (you are advised to stop reading if you’re beginning to feel uncomfortable). Both sides made good claims, explanations, rebuttals and refutations especially when the speaker/presenter representing the Muslims was Dr Zakir Naik. I mean –probably half the Muslim world knew this man.
Perhaps it was hard of me to determine who was truthful and factual, probably because of my strong desire in seeing the faith I held on dearly to triumph over the other. Because I was lacked of knowledge in science –moreover I was not a science but an art student during that time – I did not feel convinced at all. Not that there was some discrepancy in the debate. But even if there was, I could not recognise any as I nearly had no idea what these “scientists” were throwing at each other. It was like, “these science gigs know their stuffs –so, just leave the talks to them” –I wanted to use the case of “chicken and duck” to shed more understanding about how I felt but it probably did not fit in to what I said.
The duration of the evening prayer entered and probably as I was performing my prayer, I started feeling remorse about my childhood.
I was probably beginning to understand the importance of knowledge –to cover the doubts of a soul. And I truly regret to this day for not doing well during my Primary school days. I did not even realise or anticipate such remorse would come.
I began to cry within myself –why hadn’t I done so well back then? I felt as though I’d wasted my childhood, which I believe (now) I did. And I do not wish for another child to suffer the same pain as I do now. Parents, I truly hope that the day when you decided to have a child, you’d do your best in fulfilling your responsibilities as a parent. I do not say that my parents did not –they did. I was the notorious one. I even lied frequently when I was in my fourth year of Primary School.
I was easily influenced by the trends during my time. For those of you who were around my age, you could probably recall ten years ago when Digimon rampaged virtually and Pokémon running and scurrying around. Power Rangers were still kids’ favourites. Those were the days but I was not only exposed to that. I wanted to exaggerate in my description of events –I wish I could but firstly, doing that would mean I was telling a lie and secondly, although I regard it as a horrible moment of my life, some of you might consider it as not a big deal.
Okay. I went to the arcade at the age of ten –on my own. I first knew about it when I was only at the age of either seven or eight but never came back for some time as I was brought by my sister. That would have been the first and the last time I went to the arcade, if it was not of me being in the wrong company of friends.
I met this friend. I’d named him E. I don’t want to expose anyone. God and I know who exactly this fellow is and hence, the name only a letter E (having said all these, obviously I know his real name, duh). Oh –I felt as though I’d a companion. You know –I was probably one of the most stupid kids around since Primary One and perhaps I got bullied for my low grades. But I wasn’t the only “stupidest” kid around –in a nutshell, I wasn’t the only one who got bullied. Guess who were my bullies? We’d a kid from China and he was a couple of years older than any of us in the class despite being Primary One. I am not trying to discriminate anyone but he is from China. I’d to admit –he’s smart. And I got bullied, most of the time verbally. Did I get bullied physically? I couldn’t remember any of that, though I knew I did beat him when I was Primary Two once. Was it out of retaliation or been badly influenced by cartoon shows such as Power Rangers? God knows the truth –but it was true that I did hurt him physically. That kid was such a big brute. Oh, if I remember correctly, he’d cronies. I remember one of them had a name started with the letter D. Again, I did not want to expose anyone –he wore a thin pair of glasses and he was probably a clever kid too.
So, in short I got bullied sometimes for the first four years in my Primary School. I was ten and I knew E, who was from another Primary School. First, we spent time in the library –I was there on my own because I was probably fascinated by books (you know how colourful kids’ books are). Then I met that E guy and gradually, we started spending time not only in the library (by this time, we were already having series of Digimon battles through our respective devices –for those of you who do not know what Digimon devices are, I believe there’s such engine search called “Google”) but having fun in the playgrounds, especially the one at Sun Plaza Park, Tampines.
I wasn’t really into religion during that time despite I was brought up as a Muslim and having to attend for weekend classes. But E was probably a either a Buddhist or Taoist because during that time, we would act as characters from the story Journey to the West and I always played the monk’s role while E wanted a heroic one, mainly Sun Wukong. Did I actually forget to mention I was influenced by Chinese shows too? My siblings watched them and I started to follow as well, beginning with Singapore’s version of The Return of Condor Heroes with the Dragon Girl acted by Fann Wong. Then, somehow I began to be exposed to some of these shows such as the Eight Immortals and Journey to the West and surprisingly, I did know these shows had to do with religions, either Buddhism or Taoism because both had Buddha in them. Action-packed shows were sort of my favourites during that time.
Life was very childish back then. I had little regard for studies and examinations –I scrapped through the papers in the end and got what I wanted to achieve. Needless to say, I did pretty badly for the first few papers every year before coming to the end-of-year examinations, which I managed somehow. Probably because I took life for granted during that time, I still continued to dwell in my ignorance and by sometime during my fourth year in Primary School, E brought me to the arcade.
Life was paradise.
I was exposed to loads of games. E’s favourite was probably King of Fighters series whereas I would go for Marvel Superheroes vs. Street Fighter and then its successors Marvel vs. Capcom and Marvel vs. Capcom 2. We were thrilled by the players of the House of the Dead 2 and always imagined ourselves shooting zombies around wherever we went even in the shopping malls.
I learnt bad habits too such as lying to my parents with regards to my whereabouts. I’d give them excuses I went to the library and would always carry a Power Ranger bag wherever I went probably to give an impression to them I did go to the library. As if that wasn’t enough, I remember lying to my mum once that I requested for a dollar to purchase a keychain. Instead, I used it to by two tokens. After all, one token would cost fifty-cents back then. You could at most play two games or one game that would require two tokens but who cares when you’d all the fun yourself, right? I’d say that arcade was a kid’s pub?
Sadly enough, I learnt to steal from malls, again probably influenced by E and another two friends, F and T. Yes, I should add those were the early days which I started using and spewing vulgarities especially what the bidding farewell of a hen (it’s a vulgar word in Chinese language –I don’t want to state exactly what it sounds) and four letter word beginning with the letter “F”. Yes! It’s Fish! Yes, it’s Fish… What the Fish… if you get what I mean.
Those were the days…
But how did I end up regretting all these? I think I’ve poured my memories too much… too much for any of you to consume. Hey –go to sleep!
To be continued in Chapter 3.
GO TO SLEEP!!!!
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