Peace and greetings
I guess it is time for me to actually end the stories behind my past in this very Chapter. First and foremost, I don’t want anyone to get an idea that I am writing all these simply to gain sympathy or attention, which I’d have probably thought someone stalking me would use that as an argument against me –as usual if someone doesn’t like you. A friend of mine understood me by saying that sometimes we need some space where we can pour out our thoughts. Secondly, despite that this blog is all about me, I don’t wish all the updates here to be only about my problems which might have deeply hurt me, like any other blogs –as in the term which you all coin as “personal”. My personal problems do not lie within my relationship with people but with everything in this universe and that includes God Himself. Whether I’m with or against Him (of course, I am not). In short, it is a philosophical problem(s).
Like I said in my PROLOGUE, a heated argument with my mother actually led me into blogging. Initially, it was about a short write-up of how I grew up. It was probably a blog of one of my friends who reverted to Islam from Buddhism that encouraged me to begin writing.
And here I am.
I had in mind, as a closing for the stories of my past, as to why I wrote about them. I was unsure if I ever told my father that neither he nor my mother understood what I’d been through. Inevitably, I was wrong to have said such and such. After all, we’re God’s creations. We have been through the cradles and like those before us we’ll leave this world and rot. Due to that, what gives me the right to utter to my elders that they never understood me when they too were once as young as I am?
During that time when I thought for a conclusion for this Chapter, somehow I’d know there will come a day when my child will cry to me that I’ve never understood him. At this, I can then share my journal of my life with him, that I was once him going through the obstacles of life on my own and felt frustrations, rejections and distrusts.
I understand that the previous two Chapters were probably dull because perhaps some bits here and there did not make any sense. I apologise for that; I was no longer in the mood to write about my past. It is not because I felt ashamed. Rather, the answer is as simple as “I was no longer in the mood” especially when I hadn’t been blogging for quite a while. Therefore, all the stuffs I had in mind were slowly dwindling into nothings or at least at the last row of shelves at the back of my mind. Having the need to access them would mean doing a dull job by traveling a little to retrieve the information I need.
It is more than one-third past two in the morning. To be honest, I am tired of writing. But I want to finish by writing the initial intentions which I had when I first began my first few official chapters in this blog.
As I shared about my past, as I reflected about them, I felt as though I was rewinding a video and watched them again. After all those efforts, I thought I finally understood what made me to become who I am today. So I thought that every tiny past in our lives in which we choose to neglect has in some way contributed to our present, to who we are, unconsciously or subconsciously. It was probably the fact that I used to be alone most of the time that resulted me in jumping to assumptions that I was a dejected one or everyone did not like me. It was probably that I used to harbour things to myself so much I felt emotional very easily. While being emotional proves oneself a human, being too overwhelmed without managing his emotions may lead to the downfall of himself. In this case, I’ve severed ties between me and people rather than making them.
I believe there are important reasons why we here in this world and why we are created individually unique from each other. And I truly believe in what we ought to believe. Even if you choose to reject this, why then should you spend your time in upbringing your kids according to your definition of being morally or ethically good especially if your dream is become a parent? Sharing about my past is probably an answer to that, or at least having some relations.
It is because I do not wish any other kid to grow up and waste his childhood without the understanding of the world. Speaking of it, I do have my own concerns about this world. As we can see, the world is progressing, moving towards advancement in technology. As a result, educations are raised to a higher standard and kids in our time will have to learn more than we did when we were their age. No doubt our descendants will be force to swallow more than what is fed into the kids’ brains today.
As I thought the days when I studied for my GCE ‘O’ Level Examination, I realise I’d made a big mistake by studying for the sake of getting distinction. At the materialistic state, the world views you as a genius with straight ‘A’s in your certificate –alright, probably not the world but majority especially if you’re living in where I am.
As someone who will soon turn 21 in a couple of days to come, I’d probably say that life isn’t simply about scoring distinctions for your academic studies. It is not about being the best. It is not how much fun or happiness you had. It has never even been about revolution or change.
It is about how you want to spend the remaining of your life; it is about how you want to leave this world when you die especially when you realise that you do have a purpose in life.
I failed to understand behind such purpose, thought of enjoying as a kid, always perceiving my views and beliefs as right while seeing others as strange or wrong as a teen.
The unknown letters behind the previous chapters are finally revealed; TYPICAL. Yes, my life is typical when compared to everybody else. I am nobody, just like any of you. Despite that, I have made mistakes in my life in which it is never alright to abandon or be erased from memory unless they are learnt. Yes, my life is typical. But do you even wish your kids to have wasted their childhood and left wandering on their own about their purposes of existence?
If they lose faith in God, it will be tough to steer them back to what we ought to believe. If we do so, we are putting constraints to their thoughts, imprisoning them to what they are required to believe and not what they are ought to believe. A lost soul is a lost soul until he finds himself on track, until he finds himself which route he has taken to.
I truly hope I have made myself clear as to why I decided to write about my past. I do not know when I will ever be inclined in writing about philosophical and theological issues. But I guess I want to end the stories of my past for now.
I guess it is time for me to actually end the stories behind my past in this very Chapter. First and foremost, I don’t want anyone to get an idea that I am writing all these simply to gain sympathy or attention, which I’d have probably thought someone stalking me would use that as an argument against me –as usual if someone doesn’t like you. A friend of mine understood me by saying that sometimes we need some space where we can pour out our thoughts. Secondly, despite that this blog is all about me, I don’t wish all the updates here to be only about my problems which might have deeply hurt me, like any other blogs –as in the term which you all coin as “personal”. My personal problems do not lie within my relationship with people but with everything in this universe and that includes God Himself. Whether I’m with or against Him (of course, I am not). In short, it is a philosophical problem(s).
Like I said in my PROLOGUE, a heated argument with my mother actually led me into blogging. Initially, it was about a short write-up of how I grew up. It was probably a blog of one of my friends who reverted to Islam from Buddhism that encouraged me to begin writing.
And here I am.
I had in mind, as a closing for the stories of my past, as to why I wrote about them. I was unsure if I ever told my father that neither he nor my mother understood what I’d been through. Inevitably, I was wrong to have said such and such. After all, we’re God’s creations. We have been through the cradles and like those before us we’ll leave this world and rot. Due to that, what gives me the right to utter to my elders that they never understood me when they too were once as young as I am?
During that time when I thought for a conclusion for this Chapter, somehow I’d know there will come a day when my child will cry to me that I’ve never understood him. At this, I can then share my journal of my life with him, that I was once him going through the obstacles of life on my own and felt frustrations, rejections and distrusts.
I understand that the previous two Chapters were probably dull because perhaps some bits here and there did not make any sense. I apologise for that; I was no longer in the mood to write about my past. It is not because I felt ashamed. Rather, the answer is as simple as “I was no longer in the mood” especially when I hadn’t been blogging for quite a while. Therefore, all the stuffs I had in mind were slowly dwindling into nothings or at least at the last row of shelves at the back of my mind. Having the need to access them would mean doing a dull job by traveling a little to retrieve the information I need.
It is more than one-third past two in the morning. To be honest, I am tired of writing. But I want to finish by writing the initial intentions which I had when I first began my first few official chapters in this blog.
As I shared about my past, as I reflected about them, I felt as though I was rewinding a video and watched them again. After all those efforts, I thought I finally understood what made me to become who I am today. So I thought that every tiny past in our lives in which we choose to neglect has in some way contributed to our present, to who we are, unconsciously or subconsciously. It was probably the fact that I used to be alone most of the time that resulted me in jumping to assumptions that I was a dejected one or everyone did not like me. It was probably that I used to harbour things to myself so much I felt emotional very easily. While being emotional proves oneself a human, being too overwhelmed without managing his emotions may lead to the downfall of himself. In this case, I’ve severed ties between me and people rather than making them.
I believe there are important reasons why we here in this world and why we are created individually unique from each other. And I truly believe in what we ought to believe. Even if you choose to reject this, why then should you spend your time in upbringing your kids according to your definition of being morally or ethically good especially if your dream is become a parent? Sharing about my past is probably an answer to that, or at least having some relations.
It is because I do not wish any other kid to grow up and waste his childhood without the understanding of the world. Speaking of it, I do have my own concerns about this world. As we can see, the world is progressing, moving towards advancement in technology. As a result, educations are raised to a higher standard and kids in our time will have to learn more than we did when we were their age. No doubt our descendants will be force to swallow more than what is fed into the kids’ brains today.
As I thought the days when I studied for my GCE ‘O’ Level Examination, I realise I’d made a big mistake by studying for the sake of getting distinction. At the materialistic state, the world views you as a genius with straight ‘A’s in your certificate –alright, probably not the world but majority especially if you’re living in where I am.
As someone who will soon turn 21 in a couple of days to come, I’d probably say that life isn’t simply about scoring distinctions for your academic studies. It is not about being the best. It is not how much fun or happiness you had. It has never even been about revolution or change.
It is about how you want to spend the remaining of your life; it is about how you want to leave this world when you die especially when you realise that you do have a purpose in life.
I failed to understand behind such purpose, thought of enjoying as a kid, always perceiving my views and beliefs as right while seeing others as strange or wrong as a teen.
The unknown letters behind the previous chapters are finally revealed; TYPICAL. Yes, my life is typical when compared to everybody else. I am nobody, just like any of you. Despite that, I have made mistakes in my life in which it is never alright to abandon or be erased from memory unless they are learnt. Yes, my life is typical. But do you even wish your kids to have wasted their childhood and left wandering on their own about their purposes of existence?
If they lose faith in God, it will be tough to steer them back to what we ought to believe. If we do so, we are putting constraints to their thoughts, imprisoning them to what they are required to believe and not what they are ought to believe. A lost soul is a lost soul until he finds himself on track, until he finds himself which route he has taken to.
I truly hope I have made myself clear as to why I decided to write about my past. I do not know when I will ever be inclined in writing about philosophical and theological issues. But I guess I want to end the stories of my past for now.
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