Peace and greetings
(If anyone has been longing for an update, I would like to apologise for such a late one. Initially the delay was due to a need of time for recovery after what a former friend did to me, which hurt me so much I felt mistreated when she wrote things about me in her blog, indirectly referring to me. I felt worst when she told her friends –and possibly family members or relatives – about me, calling me a stalker and everything. I felt out of place and been heavily judged without anyone hearing my side of the story. Another couple of reasons why I delayed updating my blog are because due to the last minute of preparation for the Eid-Fitri festival, the auspicious day itself and then something came up without any of us expecting it would happen –I was down with Coxsackievirus A16 aka Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease. But I am recovering from that by the Grace of Lord. Unfortunately, I felt guilty for not able to hold onto patience during the duration of the test. Pardon me, God)
Previously, I shared about my life when I was still a Primary School boy. As for now, I’ll talk about my life as a teenager.
I was still twelve when I enrolled into Pasir Ris Secondary School. Needless to say, I was still behaving like a kid back then especially during the times I first joined the National Cadet Corps (NCC). I was a talkative and a childish one –an empty vessel. Subconsciously I was aware of some of my peers who disliked me, somewhat often casting me looks of disgust. I wasn’t spared from class bullies either, though mercifully I was only verbally abused. My first year in the Secondary School was probably the last year I cried in public. However because I do not intend to exaggerate matters especially if my secondary schoolmates were reading this, I feel the urge to inform that the word “bully” is rather a powerful word. Moreover, I faced it only less than half a year in school. Of course, that does not mean I did not get mistreated for the next three years in the school.
One horrifying fact which I did not tell anyone is that I was a bully too outside school. Probably because of the way how I was mistreated in school, I treated others the same way especially during tuition lessons. Luckily I did not have any history of throwing blows onto another person. But it is pretty upset as I typed down about it –an oppressed became the oppressor. An innocent kid with a pair of innocent glasses got oppressed and then turned into an oppressor towards other. Yes, if I remember correctly, I wore glasses only in school but not outside –probably a darker version of Clark Kent. I was probably a bully as well in the neighbourhood playground.
Despite such an unfortunate fate, these years were the years of glory, I should say. My duration of being a “bully” was only a few months in my first year. I think I probably started changing when I could not believe with my eyes and ears that I was ranked as second in class (and among the first-year of Normal Technical stream) in my academic achievements for half the year. That motivated me to be the first at the end of the year, which I did every single year in my Secondary school life.
I’d my own PlayStation back then, purchased with my own pocket money which I “earned” through collections during the Eid-Fitri of that year (or rather, shortly after I received my PSLE results). Hence the idea of me being second in class yet spending some time playing video games was undeniably surprising moreover when I had little focus on studies. I was still watching cartoons, though most of these were anime such as Digimon Adventures. My life was both like a game and cartoon. I was as though a main character in an RPG game since Final Fantasy IX was one of my favourites back then. Those were the days…
Tween could be a word to describe me back then; while I enjoyed fantasising myself as a protagonist of some stories –a big thanks to adventurous anime – however, I became someone else in the school, a student councillor aka school prefect.
I was as an empty vessel as how I was when I first came into the school, though I became strangely quiet in class yet childish during CCAs. This was something strange of me –different personalities and I was unconscious of that. I was a quiet and decent in class probably because I was a member of the student council and at the same time, had nearly no one to talk to especially with half the boys in class enjoyed teasing others. Most of the classmates whom I enjoyed talking to were Chinese. I’d no racial discrimination at all. For sure, we were all motivated towards our academic studies.
I would like to ask myself a question; what became of me? At the start of my third-year in Secondary school, I grew very egoistic. I mistreated a girl who sat beside me for nearly the entire year without at times having a shed of remorse. I felt guilty sometimes but it was a guilt best described as easily brushed off. I remember faming her to the class that she liked me –obviously, it would have been a weird couple for the two us if anyone had known how me from school. I remember talking to her harshly most of the time.
I’d no explanation behind such contempt I had for people. I’d no explanation why my emotions grew so strong in a negative way, so negative that I remember telling myself nobody liked me before the start of my third year of secondary school. I even harboured thoughts within myself that perhaps I didn’t get along so well with other students simply because I was a student from the Normal Technical (NT) stream while others were the ones everyone favoured upon such as the Normal Academic (NA) and the Express streams, the latter being probably classified as the clever ones. Such thoughts began growing in me at the age of fourteen.
During those years, I was obsessed with my studies and surprisingly, I became an avid reader. Of course, I wasn’t really into history or facts but novels such as The Lord of the Rings trilogy and J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter series, Goblet of Fire being my first ever novel to be read by me. I probably thought I was living up to the lives of some of these protagonists in those books especially Harry himself who had a crush on Cho Chang –I’d a crush on a Chinese girl too after the one I’d on my Student Council President. I probably thought I was living up-to-date with the latest trends and technology such as buying myself a large red sweater, Walkman and mp3 players. And I must include that I learnt how to download songs illegally. Those were the days, depressing and getting emotional and awkward about certain things. And I thought I was living my life up as though it was good to be an adolescent.
Ignorance is bliss moreover when the year I turned fifteen was the period I was exposed to not only fantasies from novels but songs and movies. These things did make an impact upon my life. In fact, they influenced me especially music. Little I knew that they were spoiling me my interest in studies e.g. instead of reading books on my way to tuition lessons, I listened to music until covering half the distance. Well, how would I know they were when I still had the desire to maintain my position as the top student in studies among the NT students in my batch? That desire was a burning passion of my strong urge to prove the NA and Express students that an NT student could succeed as much as they do yet at the same time motivated by the self-determination and courage of protagonists in novels and anime. Yu-Gi-Oh and Medabots were my favourites during that time.
I grew up to be influenced by the things around me and more dangerously, my own instincts. Sometimes till today, I tend to get obsessed with my ideas that I abandon the advices of others merely because of listening to my instincts. Probably instincts are innocent if egotism is to be blamed should the former have become accustomed to their ways. I was like a kid learning from all over the place as though a slum living among bins and self-taught to adapt to the surrounding. I would say I wasn’t properly brought up, though this might sound ungrateful of me. Probably what failed me in growing up was myself but come to think about it, was I still at fault if I hadn’t woken up to be conscious to the world around back then, even if I thought I had?
I tried living my life as an adolescent through novels and even literature –I began reading about poetries and even Shakespeare’s plays when I was in my third year of my secondary school life. And I was an NT student, which probably explains that literature wasn’t part of academic studies in NT stream. I thought what I felt must be real, thus so as the discrimination against NT students I felt during those days. So I assumed whatever I read could be trusted. This is exactly what would happen should kids be told to search knowledge through their textbooks only.
I did not have a proper conscience. All I had back then were based on religion (I started believing and praying again by the end of my first year of secondary school), media and needless to say, school etiquettes. Probably all these shaped my instincts and all the ideas developed in my mind. I was like one of those prisoners in Plato’s Cave; deciding things based only on what I had but never thought of exploring. Like the Truman Show, I thought everything was provided for me so I needed not have to search or even bothered about doing so. Probably, even the word “exploration” seemed a lot of work for me back then.
I graduated from my secondary school days and continued pursuing my dream in polytechnic, but not without getting through the hassles of the GCE ‘O’ Level Examination. I took the papers as a private candidate and my life began to change drastically.
(If anyone has been longing for an update, I would like to apologise for such a late one. Initially the delay was due to a need of time for recovery after what a former friend did to me, which hurt me so much I felt mistreated when she wrote things about me in her blog, indirectly referring to me. I felt worst when she told her friends –and possibly family members or relatives – about me, calling me a stalker and everything. I felt out of place and been heavily judged without anyone hearing my side of the story. Another couple of reasons why I delayed updating my blog are because due to the last minute of preparation for the Eid-Fitri festival, the auspicious day itself and then something came up without any of us expecting it would happen –I was down with Coxsackievirus A16 aka Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease. But I am recovering from that by the Grace of Lord. Unfortunately, I felt guilty for not able to hold onto patience during the duration of the test. Pardon me, God)
Previously, I shared about my life when I was still a Primary School boy. As for now, I’ll talk about my life as a teenager.
I was still twelve when I enrolled into Pasir Ris Secondary School. Needless to say, I was still behaving like a kid back then especially during the times I first joined the National Cadet Corps (NCC). I was a talkative and a childish one –an empty vessel. Subconsciously I was aware of some of my peers who disliked me, somewhat often casting me looks of disgust. I wasn’t spared from class bullies either, though mercifully I was only verbally abused. My first year in the Secondary School was probably the last year I cried in public. However because I do not intend to exaggerate matters especially if my secondary schoolmates were reading this, I feel the urge to inform that the word “bully” is rather a powerful word. Moreover, I faced it only less than half a year in school. Of course, that does not mean I did not get mistreated for the next three years in the school.
One horrifying fact which I did not tell anyone is that I was a bully too outside school. Probably because of the way how I was mistreated in school, I treated others the same way especially during tuition lessons. Luckily I did not have any history of throwing blows onto another person. But it is pretty upset as I typed down about it –an oppressed became the oppressor. An innocent kid with a pair of innocent glasses got oppressed and then turned into an oppressor towards other. Yes, if I remember correctly, I wore glasses only in school but not outside –probably a darker version of Clark Kent. I was probably a bully as well in the neighbourhood playground.
Despite such an unfortunate fate, these years were the years of glory, I should say. My duration of being a “bully” was only a few months in my first year. I think I probably started changing when I could not believe with my eyes and ears that I was ranked as second in class (and among the first-year of Normal Technical stream) in my academic achievements for half the year. That motivated me to be the first at the end of the year, which I did every single year in my Secondary school life.
I’d my own PlayStation back then, purchased with my own pocket money which I “earned” through collections during the Eid-Fitri of that year (or rather, shortly after I received my PSLE results). Hence the idea of me being second in class yet spending some time playing video games was undeniably surprising moreover when I had little focus on studies. I was still watching cartoons, though most of these were anime such as Digimon Adventures. My life was both like a game and cartoon. I was as though a main character in an RPG game since Final Fantasy IX was one of my favourites back then. Those were the days…
Tween could be a word to describe me back then; while I enjoyed fantasising myself as a protagonist of some stories –a big thanks to adventurous anime – however, I became someone else in the school, a student councillor aka school prefect.
I was as an empty vessel as how I was when I first came into the school, though I became strangely quiet in class yet childish during CCAs. This was something strange of me –different personalities and I was unconscious of that. I was a quiet and decent in class probably because I was a member of the student council and at the same time, had nearly no one to talk to especially with half the boys in class enjoyed teasing others. Most of the classmates whom I enjoyed talking to were Chinese. I’d no racial discrimination at all. For sure, we were all motivated towards our academic studies.
I would like to ask myself a question; what became of me? At the start of my third-year in Secondary school, I grew very egoistic. I mistreated a girl who sat beside me for nearly the entire year without at times having a shed of remorse. I felt guilty sometimes but it was a guilt best described as easily brushed off. I remember faming her to the class that she liked me –obviously, it would have been a weird couple for the two us if anyone had known how me from school. I remember talking to her harshly most of the time.
I’d no explanation behind such contempt I had for people. I’d no explanation why my emotions grew so strong in a negative way, so negative that I remember telling myself nobody liked me before the start of my third year of secondary school. I even harboured thoughts within myself that perhaps I didn’t get along so well with other students simply because I was a student from the Normal Technical (NT) stream while others were the ones everyone favoured upon such as the Normal Academic (NA) and the Express streams, the latter being probably classified as the clever ones. Such thoughts began growing in me at the age of fourteen.
During those years, I was obsessed with my studies and surprisingly, I became an avid reader. Of course, I wasn’t really into history or facts but novels such as The Lord of the Rings trilogy and J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter series, Goblet of Fire being my first ever novel to be read by me. I probably thought I was living up to the lives of some of these protagonists in those books especially Harry himself who had a crush on Cho Chang –I’d a crush on a Chinese girl too after the one I’d on my Student Council President. I probably thought I was living up-to-date with the latest trends and technology such as buying myself a large red sweater, Walkman and mp3 players. And I must include that I learnt how to download songs illegally. Those were the days, depressing and getting emotional and awkward about certain things. And I thought I was living my life up as though it was good to be an adolescent.
Ignorance is bliss moreover when the year I turned fifteen was the period I was exposed to not only fantasies from novels but songs and movies. These things did make an impact upon my life. In fact, they influenced me especially music. Little I knew that they were spoiling me my interest in studies e.g. instead of reading books on my way to tuition lessons, I listened to music until covering half the distance. Well, how would I know they were when I still had the desire to maintain my position as the top student in studies among the NT students in my batch? That desire was a burning passion of my strong urge to prove the NA and Express students that an NT student could succeed as much as they do yet at the same time motivated by the self-determination and courage of protagonists in novels and anime. Yu-Gi-Oh and Medabots were my favourites during that time.
I grew up to be influenced by the things around me and more dangerously, my own instincts. Sometimes till today, I tend to get obsessed with my ideas that I abandon the advices of others merely because of listening to my instincts. Probably instincts are innocent if egotism is to be blamed should the former have become accustomed to their ways. I was like a kid learning from all over the place as though a slum living among bins and self-taught to adapt to the surrounding. I would say I wasn’t properly brought up, though this might sound ungrateful of me. Probably what failed me in growing up was myself but come to think about it, was I still at fault if I hadn’t woken up to be conscious to the world around back then, even if I thought I had?
I tried living my life as an adolescent through novels and even literature –I began reading about poetries and even Shakespeare’s plays when I was in my third year of my secondary school life. And I was an NT student, which probably explains that literature wasn’t part of academic studies in NT stream. I thought what I felt must be real, thus so as the discrimination against NT students I felt during those days. So I assumed whatever I read could be trusted. This is exactly what would happen should kids be told to search knowledge through their textbooks only.
I did not have a proper conscience. All I had back then were based on religion (I started believing and praying again by the end of my first year of secondary school), media and needless to say, school etiquettes. Probably all these shaped my instincts and all the ideas developed in my mind. I was like one of those prisoners in Plato’s Cave; deciding things based only on what I had but never thought of exploring. Like the Truman Show, I thought everything was provided for me so I needed not have to search or even bothered about doing so. Probably, even the word “exploration” seemed a lot of work for me back then.
I graduated from my secondary school days and continued pursuing my dream in polytechnic, but not without getting through the hassles of the GCE ‘O’ Level Examination. I took the papers as a private candidate and my life began to change drastically.
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