Welcome and enter
And good morning (it was morning when I typed this)
I was greatly annoyed when I caught ants in my cereals when I was about to have my breakfast earlier. Thanks to mum for placing the cereals onto a metal plate and heated it in the kitchen. Either the ants ran away or soon we would have barbecued bugs. Thankfully, it was the former and this time I kept the cereals in the refrigerator so that no bugs would enter unless they wanted to be frozen to death.
Excuse me –did I make any of you laugh? I hope so.
Well, I thought today’s breakfast was supposed to be another journey in my thoughts i.e. of me to reflect myself until to my horror I caught those six-legged tiny midgets as shared above. Probably it’s a gift from God for them and a test for us (since we, different species, had difficulty that morning –I had to get rid of the ants and they had to run away from the fire, if they hadn’t thought of it when they came to my food). Let’s get back to the present, shall we?
I felt different over the past few days. Somehow, the beast within me was hungry and wanted me to feed it by the thoughts of smooth flesh with masochistic actions (and all praise unto God that I did not –I still want to get rid of such habits). As if that wasn’t enough, I was incoherent in my thoughts –I could feel as though I was inclined to anger swiftly. I felt none of my prayers were done with a focus mind. Yet I tried my utmost best in doing so, at least in my supplications.
So I thought I was probably listening to music too much that my inner self got strayed from reality as the songs injected certain emotions within me. Somehow I felt even today that musical instruments cause some psychological problems that a person began to dwell into fantasies if he has no control or discipline over his emotions. Or probably, I was rushing into things because I had loads of tasks to be done moreover my schedule is not done yet.
And because of my obsession in philosophy, I was ready to gun down anyone who came up to me and said it was a false notion.
But I realise deep within me that debating or refuting one’s argument in an immediate response with no thoughts about the issue involved is as good as losing control of my own temper. You may say it is an instinctive behaviour of someone returning a blow in revenge to one who punched him without asking why the latter did so.
So, probably now is also a good time of me to ponder about most of my beliefs which are mostly derived from philosophy since the ants ruined my time a while ago.
After all the confusions about this world i.e. so many different ideologies and beliefs, I thought I understood why I used to defend my own faith so much. It was probably because I was brought up with it and thus, I couldn’t see anything wrong with it. Some of the Muslims may be ready to condemn what I’ve just said and what I am going to say. But I would appreciate if we could first sit down and discuss, pushing aside our prejudice and biasness and put yourselves in my shoes. And I will my best to put mine into yours. Even if I would, how could I do so? Please let me explain.
The religion has never taught me selfishness and egotism. But personally even based on my experience, I felt some of us were staunch, at least I did (and probably with no knowledge). So I thought the beliefs and faith I had all the while were the cause of my behaviour moreover quite some time after I watched the videos of the divine experiences by people.
But it is probably natural for people to be staunch in their beliefs especially when they are brought up to believe them. After all, life is meaningless without holding onto something, isn’t it? After such experiences, I began to realise there were things which I knew not of even today. And they are still waiting for me to find and learn about them.
Was I still closer to truth? I don’t think so.
I was confused –I did not know what to believe in. I reasoned with myself that the only reason why I prayed was because of my fear in the Hellfire –for that is what Muslims believe in. And so I prayed, probably half-wondering if I was doing the right thing especially if I were the one leading a congregational prayer during the days in my polytechnic. I wasn’t religious (and please define “religious”) but an ego testicle maniac as brother Nouman Ali Khan would put it in one of his lectures. Maybe now I feel quite a relief of not having a need to lead any prayer but perform it on my own. Why would you need an agnostic to be a leader when he is unsure of what he is doing?
So I decided to detach myself from religion, though I do still pray so as to remind myself there’s God –that’s the only absolute belief which I have (and because I am aware of His presence, I could only pray according to how I was brought up with because that is the only way I know; I don’t know anything). Besides that, I would regard the others of my beliefs as me having brought up with them. Why do you think I quoted what Isaiah Berlin said in one of my previous entries?
"I wish my life and decisions to depend on myself, not on external forces of whatever kind. I wish to be the instrument of my own, no of other men's, acts of will. I wish to be a subject, not an object; to be moved by reasons, by conscious purposes, which are my own, not by causes which affect me, as it were, from outside…”
I remember posting something on my Wall in Facebook account months ago;
I wish I was born without religion so as to be unbiased towards people's faiths and beliefs and hence find my way in true sincerity with deep pondering
I'm afraid of being in Plato's Cave
A friend asked if I did mean it. I replied;
Yup, I truly mean it. How I wish I can explain it to you how I feel all this while but the problem is; you'll have to think like someone who's without religion and how it's like to be in skepticism and quandary about finding the truth, something to believe in all aspects e.g. morality etc. It's because I'm kinda "inside the box", that's why at times I'm biased i.e. only looking from the perception of my own faith. It's kinda hard to convince, really.
I am as good as copying the whole entry on my Wall and paste it here. I wish I could so as to avoid any watering down or omit any parts. But I guess I need to seek permission of those who responded to what I wrote. In addition, there were some misunderstandings. Thus, it is best if I avoid it –putting someone in a bad spotlight is the last thing I would ever want to do, or not at all. But I hope you understand what I was trying to express.
And good morning (it was morning when I typed this)
I was greatly annoyed when I caught ants in my cereals when I was about to have my breakfast earlier. Thanks to mum for placing the cereals onto a metal plate and heated it in the kitchen. Either the ants ran away or soon we would have barbecued bugs. Thankfully, it was the former and this time I kept the cereals in the refrigerator so that no bugs would enter unless they wanted to be frozen to death.
Excuse me –did I make any of you laugh? I hope so.
Well, I thought today’s breakfast was supposed to be another journey in my thoughts i.e. of me to reflect myself until to my horror I caught those six-legged tiny midgets as shared above. Probably it’s a gift from God for them and a test for us (since we, different species, had difficulty that morning –I had to get rid of the ants and they had to run away from the fire, if they hadn’t thought of it when they came to my food). Let’s get back to the present, shall we?
I felt different over the past few days. Somehow, the beast within me was hungry and wanted me to feed it by the thoughts of smooth flesh with masochistic actions (and all praise unto God that I did not –I still want to get rid of such habits). As if that wasn’t enough, I was incoherent in my thoughts –I could feel as though I was inclined to anger swiftly. I felt none of my prayers were done with a focus mind. Yet I tried my utmost best in doing so, at least in my supplications.
So I thought I was probably listening to music too much that my inner self got strayed from reality as the songs injected certain emotions within me. Somehow I felt even today that musical instruments cause some psychological problems that a person began to dwell into fantasies if he has no control or discipline over his emotions. Or probably, I was rushing into things because I had loads of tasks to be done moreover my schedule is not done yet.
And because of my obsession in philosophy, I was ready to gun down anyone who came up to me and said it was a false notion.
But I realise deep within me that debating or refuting one’s argument in an immediate response with no thoughts about the issue involved is as good as losing control of my own temper. You may say it is an instinctive behaviour of someone returning a blow in revenge to one who punched him without asking why the latter did so.
So, probably now is also a good time of me to ponder about most of my beliefs which are mostly derived from philosophy since the ants ruined my time a while ago.
After all the confusions about this world i.e. so many different ideologies and beliefs, I thought I understood why I used to defend my own faith so much. It was probably because I was brought up with it and thus, I couldn’t see anything wrong with it. Some of the Muslims may be ready to condemn what I’ve just said and what I am going to say. But I would appreciate if we could first sit down and discuss, pushing aside our prejudice and biasness and put yourselves in my shoes. And I will my best to put mine into yours. Even if I would, how could I do so? Please let me explain.
The religion has never taught me selfishness and egotism. But personally even based on my experience, I felt some of us were staunch, at least I did (and probably with no knowledge). So I thought the beliefs and faith I had all the while were the cause of my behaviour moreover quite some time after I watched the videos of the divine experiences by people.
But it is probably natural for people to be staunch in their beliefs especially when they are brought up to believe them. After all, life is meaningless without holding onto something, isn’t it? After such experiences, I began to realise there were things which I knew not of even today. And they are still waiting for me to find and learn about them.
Was I still closer to truth? I don’t think so.
I was confused –I did not know what to believe in. I reasoned with myself that the only reason why I prayed was because of my fear in the Hellfire –for that is what Muslims believe in. And so I prayed, probably half-wondering if I was doing the right thing especially if I were the one leading a congregational prayer during the days in my polytechnic. I wasn’t religious (and please define “religious”) but an ego testicle maniac as brother Nouman Ali Khan would put it in one of his lectures. Maybe now I feel quite a relief of not having a need to lead any prayer but perform it on my own. Why would you need an agnostic to be a leader when he is unsure of what he is doing?
So I decided to detach myself from religion, though I do still pray so as to remind myself there’s God –that’s the only absolute belief which I have (and because I am aware of His presence, I could only pray according to how I was brought up with because that is the only way I know; I don’t know anything). Besides that, I would regard the others of my beliefs as me having brought up with them. Why do you think I quoted what Isaiah Berlin said in one of my previous entries?
"I wish my life and decisions to depend on myself, not on external forces of whatever kind. I wish to be the instrument of my own, no of other men's, acts of will. I wish to be a subject, not an object; to be moved by reasons, by conscious purposes, which are my own, not by causes which affect me, as it were, from outside…”
I remember posting something on my Wall in Facebook account months ago;
I wish I was born without religion so as to be unbiased towards people's faiths and beliefs and hence find my way in true sincerity with deep pondering
I'm afraid of being in Plato's Cave
A friend asked if I did mean it. I replied;
Yup, I truly mean it. How I wish I can explain it to you how I feel all this while but the problem is; you'll have to think like someone who's without religion and how it's like to be in skepticism and quandary about finding the truth, something to believe in all aspects e.g. morality etc. It's because I'm kinda "inside the box", that's why at times I'm biased i.e. only looking from the perception of my own faith. It's kinda hard to convince, really.
I am as good as copying the whole entry on my Wall and paste it here. I wish I could so as to avoid any watering down or omit any parts. But I guess I need to seek permission of those who responded to what I wrote. In addition, there were some misunderstandings. Thus, it is best if I avoid it –putting someone in a bad spotlight is the last thing I would ever want to do, or not at all. But I hope you understand what I was trying to express.
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