Welcome
By this point of my life, I am truly in need of help to get rid of my cravings towards certain things such as food and other vicious habits which have been taking place in nearly my entire life.
I am not saying that food is such a threat to my life. However, I acknowledge that certain food does give benefits and certain ones do not. Rather, the latter often causes harm. There are other kinds of things and acts which will eventually ruin me. Yet the cause and effect notion does not only exist in the idea of cravings alone. Literally, it means I will face the outcome of what I do. I hit myself with a stick and thus, I feel hurt (or when somebody throws a blow at me); I feel the pain. I walk in an open space with the heat of the sun blazing over me and I feel its heat.
However, I could be wrong in my experiences because I could still probably be living in a dream in a state of “waking up”. My five senses could still be deceiving me and I do not have the knowledge if I could ever trust in any of them. Furthermore as I said above, I am tired and weary of all my cravings and desires. Realising how much they affect my time, I want to go for a change. At the same time, I am uncertain if returning to my vicious habits is ever right of me. What I am certain is how much damage they have caused upon me even if I exist only as a mind.
In any case, I cannot deny that there’s still a creator who created me. And I would like to know who this creator is especially after what I have done so as to find a direction in my life and acknowledging my purpose of existence.
Demon as the creator
In my previous entries, I talked about what if all my life there is a demon that is pulling the strings on me as suggested by Descartes. What if he, the demon, could be my creator? Well, I have no doubt in my mind that the term “demon” is used to describe a living entity with attributes opposed to “God” whose term is used to describe a living entity who is all-powerful, all-knowledgeable, the most greatest, the most loving and merciful and the one who possess all good attributes. In short, God is good in nature. Thus the term “demon” is a name of the entity of the opposite attributes of the term “God”. It is not surprising that such a living entity to be given the name “demon” creates me with the purpose to deceive me because of his evil-nature. These two terms are what have been taught to me while I am in this world. Hence, it does seem to make more sense if the “puppets” around me exist with a sole purpose to deceive and hinder me from finding the truth i.e. what everything is, like a hamster in a box where around it are hamster-dummies that look like the real one.
The explanation above may be a self-defeating argument. It is because on one hand, I doubt if everything is merely an illusion. At the same time, I brought up about what I have been taught in this world to make a comparison between two entities that either of them could be my creator. I should be aware and even reminded that I am relating my worldly experiences to distinguish between the two. The case here could be contradicting because in the first place, I detached myself from the world I thought was the truth. However in one of my earlier entries, I made the following statement; “Interestingly, if I have a thought that all my life I have been deceived by a demon all along, would that not logically prove there are good and evil?”
Somehow, my experiences in this world taught me about languages and meanings of words in certain language to give descriptions to a particular entity. What is me should I not know any way of communication? At least, the idea is there; there is good and evil; and in this case, I will say that the act of deceiving me from achieving what I need or ought to know belongs to an evil act. Needless to say, what I need or ought to know so as to lead my life better in which I may be able to overcome every deception of life is good.
The act of deception puts my life at stake and thus, I couldn’t be more wrong than to declare that the demon is evil; after learning what the word “demon” and its meaning, I couldn’t be more wrong about my description of the attributes of a demon. A demon with a sole purpose to deceive me should have known that I am about to wake up from my sleep i.e. gaining consciousness from the deceiving world. After all, all my experiences have causes and effects in every action or path I have taken so far, and some hurts me and some do not. I feel pain as a price of committing certain acts and I feel relieved or joyful as a price for some acts. So, I would like to know what is basically going on. Why do I have to go through such experiences? What is the meaning of all these? It is as though I have been designed to think that I should not take all that happened to me for granted.
Assuming that the demon created such thoughts in me so as to continue deceiving me into coming to this stage, then what could my thought-process mean when everything that I have been talking seems to no avail i.e. not getting closer to truth? I cannot comprehend how much I will be deceived especially after coming to a realisation that the incidents in my life were due to the idea of cause and effect. It is as though the time is now that I begin to break away from the chains of deception and live a new life, a life in disciplining myself from succumbing to temptations and work for probably an inner joy. Despite having to live my life with the “puppets”, I will live to the fullest as much as I can.
Having said, there are two flaws should the demon be my creator.
Firstly, if I do still believe I live among the “puppets” and that I am the only one exist, then it should have occurred to me as to why I still decided to live –I could have chosen to end my life now by, say, suicide as I will often face frustration. After all, it is pointless for me to live in this world where I have no real people to communicate but billions of dummies.
Secondly, as I have come to a thought whereby all around me could be an illusion and strive to live my life to the fullest by acknowledging the presence of cause and effect, I am probably at the same time fighting against my creator. In other words, my creator created me as a form of “entertainment" for himself but yet I realise what he is up to and thus, I decided to do my utmost best so as not to fall into his trap and live as long as what he has created for my mind to take or exist. I cannot simply accept that idea because it is too unbearable of me to take it to the purpose of my existence. After all, it is not all the incidents in my life which have negative outcomes i.e. causing me too much pain. However, there have been good outcomes and I am somehow pleased or grateful for such occurrences. And if I could defeat the demon through the means of living to the fullest, then I might probably be proving the lack of intellectual of my creator, again assuming he is the demon. He created me and even “programmed” me with such thoughts, only to be defeated by his own creation by waking up from his deceit when he should have anticipated or foreseen what could have happened.
Even if there is an all-powerful being, say the god, whose place of authority over me (because he created me) is usurped by the demon, I cannot possibly accept such a possibility too as in this case the demon is also part of god’s creations. The fact that an all-powerful being could create such an intangible entity as my mind should have proven me that he too not only possesses a great power which not even I could have but a great intelligence which mine can never match his. Because of such intelligence, god would have known and foreseen the coming of his supposed demise. But why do I really have to go that far when I acknowledged him to be an all-powerful entity? Because he is all-powerful, he is thus capable of defeating the demon himself since the latter is also his creation. The demon would have gotten owned by god before the former could even reach him.
But because I acknowledge god as not only being all-powerful but as well as all-knowledgeable, what if I am created by my future self or anyone like me yet comes from a distant future? The reason behind me bringing up this is because if I could acknowledge that god is all-knowledgeable in creating an intangible entity such as my mind which provides me with the idea of my existence (I think, therefore I am), then I need to consider the possibility of someone from the future to have possessed such knowledge i.e. who too can create a mind.
Someone from future as the creator –ontological paradox
In the world I live, I have “seen” and witnessed the so-called progression in science and advancement of technologies to have created so many things to benefit our lives –the lives of mine and the “puppets”. Because of the rapid changes throughout time, I consider the probability how much advancement in all these could go. Is it possible that the world I am supposedly to be living today be in a more comfortable state than what I am now? Thus, is it possible that I was created by someone from a distant future? In the first place, I mentioned that I acknowledged my creator to be all-powerful and all-knowledgeable because of his capabilities and abilities to create my mind, which is intangible and cannot even be seen.
But if there is someone who creates my mind to be me and puts me into the present, which happens to be before his time, then the question is; who created him? How can he exist without me, who needs to live so as to continue the timeline for him to create me?
What if that someone is a rather different being, though having the same properties as I do i.e. a mind that creates me yet different in some ways from in which I can never be able to create another mind? Moreover, he comes from the future. Firstly, I do not understand why I should accept that notion. He is different from me in terms of capabilities yet he is as same as I am in regards of having a mind (and probably a body). It is not necessarily that he could have created me but there could be others whom he created before me and live through the timeline for me to be born or exist. If that is the case, then the people around me are not “puppets” but real people –persons like myself with minds too. That someone could have created those like me before his time and suddenly because there is a change in time flow, the era he lives in is suddenly full of people. That probably reminds me of the plot in both novel and film titled Andromeda Strain –what an ontological paradox.
Here are some questions; where does he come from? Which time does he belong to? Who created him? And what is the point of him appearing in the distant future just to create entities like myself? More importantly, why should I be bothered about the second question of this paragraph in this case? I am as good as accepting only that there is a creator and he creates me.
But coming to this far gives me something to consider about; time.
I acknowledge that my creator is an all-powerful and all-knowledgeable being for having able to create a mind such as mine for me to identify and ponder about my existence. It would be a good question that I should ask who created my creator. Well, pursuing for an answer to this question will lead to never ending questions. Thus, all I could acknowledge is; there is something far greater than I am to have not only live such a long time but never born and never die; it is eternal. Unlike me who am bound by time, that something probably is not. Why could I not accept other incomprehensible attributes that are not given to me if I already acknowledge that something is all-powerful and all-knowledgeable? And why could I not accept that my creator is possibly eternal, seeming that he has the attributes which I described above? My mind is the evidence of his knowledge and power and because how it (my mind) is created is beyond my understanding, then he is possibly eternal. After all that is been shared, he cannot have been sharing the same attributes as I am since I cannot even duplicate my own mind. Because my creator is eternal, for all I know even time could be part of his creation.
Creator’s Attributes
Up to now, the only attributes I recognise in my creator are omnipotence, omniscience and eternal. Of course, he is unseen –but that does not necessarily mean he is invisible or the whole concept of my creator is just an idea. It is because he could probably be far away from where I am, yet at the same time he knows all about me as he is watching me. The attribute of omnipresence is probably applied between us for now since I have yet to be sure if the people around me are real i.e. possess a mind as I do.
I thought about the creator, whom I probably know him by god now, to share the same attributes as the demon. In other words, he is the god who is evil. But since I brought up the issue about the demon as my creator, then I should know that there is not a difference between god and demon in attributes. In the first place the moment I raised the question regarding the demon as my creator, I should be aware that I was assuming the creator to be evil. And that is already discussed; if god is evil i.e. deceiving me all the time, then either the solution of my life is to resort to suicide (as I no longer see any meaning to live) or strive to defeat him by living to my utmost best.
Now I turn to my creator and declare that he exists and I truly acknowledge his existence. But I have yet to find the purpose of my existence. And only he can provide me with the answer because he is the one who designed and created me and has been watching over me. Because I acknowledge he is the cause that I exist, because I acknowledge the notion of cause and effect, then all the experiences I had in life could not have possibly happened by chance. And the causes of these experiences could not have possibly been taken place on their own. Someone must have set all the other entities i.e. the sun and the “puppets” and etc., even if I have yet to acknowledge if they are ever real, to be in motion. There is no doubt in mind that the person who is possibly responsible for all these causes is my creator. It is only him now whom I am thinking of. It is only one of him. Thus I cannot be so sure if there are other entities such as him to do the tasks of setting or “programming” the other entities to behave according to what I see. I cannot be so sure if there is more than one creator. All I know is; I know there has got to be a creator who designed me.
And I ask again; what is the purpose of my existence? I will not expect him to appear before me as because I already doubt if my surrounding is real, then his appearance may not convince me at all. In a nutshell, I will still doubt if that is god himself who decided to approach and engage me directly.
And I want to know more about the cause and effect notion. All this while, I have been given knowledge as to what hurts or pleases me. Due to that, I am able to avoid what hurts me most and strive towards the objectives that benefit me. Say, I am hungry and I have been given with food. But understanding the nature of the food i.e. what it will cause and lead me to and what happens if I indulge too much in etc. will allow me to work in disciplining myself from too much consumption of it. In this way, the statement “ignorance is bliss” is no longer applicable no matter how tempting or delicious the food is. It is because I already understand what the food will do to me. I should never forget the notion between desires and reasons; to adopt the former would mean I am accepting being ignorant is bliss while adopting the latter would mean to avoid some inevitable dark destiny which lies ahead of me –more suffering, probably. Therefore due to the knowledge I am given, I could not be helped but thankful to my creator for having created me with such capability in order to avoid unnecessary pain to myself.
As I acknowledge that the ability to think is not the only gift by my creator, I should have also acknowledged that up to now I have been given with things to survive on, and needless to say the examples of these are food, water and air. These are essential for my survival, for without them no matter how much I believe that the world I live in is only an illusion I will still suffer to death. Once again if I could feel pain, then there is no doubt that death is real. But even if I still refuse to believe as such, do I really have to wait for it so as to see what lies ahead when that is probably a point of no return i.e. to live again?
And again and again the question lingers; what is the purpose of my existence? At this point, I should now decide to ponder again upon my surroundings. Maybe the “puppets” are not what I thought; they are probably as real as I am. Maybe I should acknowledge too that god has not created me without a purpose moreover when he has given me knowledge and the needs to sustain myself in this world. Probably he wants to guide me so as to find the purpose of my life which I have been searching all the while. But by now, I should acknowledge that god is not only all the attributes which I have explained above but he happens to be all-merciful and all-loving; my mistakes and errs are probably of him to guide me so as to reach to this far. Because I am now certain my creator is god, I shall now resume to my usage of addressing the Supreme Being i.e. “God” instead of “god” and “He” instead of “he”.
Because I acknowledge up to this far is the guidance by God, then I acknowledge too that my surroundings are as real as I am. “Returning” to the world that I once had doubts on, I realise that it is fraught with all sorts of contradictions in beliefs and faiths that I am clueless. Up to this point, I am beginning to acknowledge there is a purpose that God wants me to fulfil before my death. Thus despite all the contradictions, I believe God has a message for me in order of me to complete my journey in life. The obvious solution now is to study each of these ideologies and beliefs.
I remember mentioning in one of my previous entries that God cannot be the deceiver even if He wishes to guide me through His “puppets”. Thus, I have decided to acknowledge all around me is real. Yet because of the contradictions in beliefs, I am probably warned never to rely on my senses too much as what I sense may not be true i.e. having some forms of deceptions in it. Yet, I am probably advised not to entirely disregard my senses either as I may need them to determine the validity of the truth in certain things.
All praises be upon God!
By this point of my life, I am truly in need of help to get rid of my cravings towards certain things such as food and other vicious habits which have been taking place in nearly my entire life.
I am not saying that food is such a threat to my life. However, I acknowledge that certain food does give benefits and certain ones do not. Rather, the latter often causes harm. There are other kinds of things and acts which will eventually ruin me. Yet the cause and effect notion does not only exist in the idea of cravings alone. Literally, it means I will face the outcome of what I do. I hit myself with a stick and thus, I feel hurt (or when somebody throws a blow at me); I feel the pain. I walk in an open space with the heat of the sun blazing over me and I feel its heat.
However, I could be wrong in my experiences because I could still probably be living in a dream in a state of “waking up”. My five senses could still be deceiving me and I do not have the knowledge if I could ever trust in any of them. Furthermore as I said above, I am tired and weary of all my cravings and desires. Realising how much they affect my time, I want to go for a change. At the same time, I am uncertain if returning to my vicious habits is ever right of me. What I am certain is how much damage they have caused upon me even if I exist only as a mind.
In any case, I cannot deny that there’s still a creator who created me. And I would like to know who this creator is especially after what I have done so as to find a direction in my life and acknowledging my purpose of existence.
Demon as the creator
In my previous entries, I talked about what if all my life there is a demon that is pulling the strings on me as suggested by Descartes. What if he, the demon, could be my creator? Well, I have no doubt in my mind that the term “demon” is used to describe a living entity with attributes opposed to “God” whose term is used to describe a living entity who is all-powerful, all-knowledgeable, the most greatest, the most loving and merciful and the one who possess all good attributes. In short, God is good in nature. Thus the term “demon” is a name of the entity of the opposite attributes of the term “God”. It is not surprising that such a living entity to be given the name “demon” creates me with the purpose to deceive me because of his evil-nature. These two terms are what have been taught to me while I am in this world. Hence, it does seem to make more sense if the “puppets” around me exist with a sole purpose to deceive and hinder me from finding the truth i.e. what everything is, like a hamster in a box where around it are hamster-dummies that look like the real one.
The explanation above may be a self-defeating argument. It is because on one hand, I doubt if everything is merely an illusion. At the same time, I brought up about what I have been taught in this world to make a comparison between two entities that either of them could be my creator. I should be aware and even reminded that I am relating my worldly experiences to distinguish between the two. The case here could be contradicting because in the first place, I detached myself from the world I thought was the truth. However in one of my earlier entries, I made the following statement; “Interestingly, if I have a thought that all my life I have been deceived by a demon all along, would that not logically prove there are good and evil?”
Somehow, my experiences in this world taught me about languages and meanings of words in certain language to give descriptions to a particular entity. What is me should I not know any way of communication? At least, the idea is there; there is good and evil; and in this case, I will say that the act of deceiving me from achieving what I need or ought to know belongs to an evil act. Needless to say, what I need or ought to know so as to lead my life better in which I may be able to overcome every deception of life is good.
The act of deception puts my life at stake and thus, I couldn’t be more wrong than to declare that the demon is evil; after learning what the word “demon” and its meaning, I couldn’t be more wrong about my description of the attributes of a demon. A demon with a sole purpose to deceive me should have known that I am about to wake up from my sleep i.e. gaining consciousness from the deceiving world. After all, all my experiences have causes and effects in every action or path I have taken so far, and some hurts me and some do not. I feel pain as a price of committing certain acts and I feel relieved or joyful as a price for some acts. So, I would like to know what is basically going on. Why do I have to go through such experiences? What is the meaning of all these? It is as though I have been designed to think that I should not take all that happened to me for granted.
Assuming that the demon created such thoughts in me so as to continue deceiving me into coming to this stage, then what could my thought-process mean when everything that I have been talking seems to no avail i.e. not getting closer to truth? I cannot comprehend how much I will be deceived especially after coming to a realisation that the incidents in my life were due to the idea of cause and effect. It is as though the time is now that I begin to break away from the chains of deception and live a new life, a life in disciplining myself from succumbing to temptations and work for probably an inner joy. Despite having to live my life with the “puppets”, I will live to the fullest as much as I can.
Having said, there are two flaws should the demon be my creator.
Firstly, if I do still believe I live among the “puppets” and that I am the only one exist, then it should have occurred to me as to why I still decided to live –I could have chosen to end my life now by, say, suicide as I will often face frustration. After all, it is pointless for me to live in this world where I have no real people to communicate but billions of dummies.
Secondly, as I have come to a thought whereby all around me could be an illusion and strive to live my life to the fullest by acknowledging the presence of cause and effect, I am probably at the same time fighting against my creator. In other words, my creator created me as a form of “entertainment" for himself but yet I realise what he is up to and thus, I decided to do my utmost best so as not to fall into his trap and live as long as what he has created for my mind to take or exist. I cannot simply accept that idea because it is too unbearable of me to take it to the purpose of my existence. After all, it is not all the incidents in my life which have negative outcomes i.e. causing me too much pain. However, there have been good outcomes and I am somehow pleased or grateful for such occurrences. And if I could defeat the demon through the means of living to the fullest, then I might probably be proving the lack of intellectual of my creator, again assuming he is the demon. He created me and even “programmed” me with such thoughts, only to be defeated by his own creation by waking up from his deceit when he should have anticipated or foreseen what could have happened.
Even if there is an all-powerful being, say the god, whose place of authority over me (because he created me) is usurped by the demon, I cannot possibly accept such a possibility too as in this case the demon is also part of god’s creations. The fact that an all-powerful being could create such an intangible entity as my mind should have proven me that he too not only possesses a great power which not even I could have but a great intelligence which mine can never match his. Because of such intelligence, god would have known and foreseen the coming of his supposed demise. But why do I really have to go that far when I acknowledged him to be an all-powerful entity? Because he is all-powerful, he is thus capable of defeating the demon himself since the latter is also his creation. The demon would have gotten owned by god before the former could even reach him.
But because I acknowledge god as not only being all-powerful but as well as all-knowledgeable, what if I am created by my future self or anyone like me yet comes from a distant future? The reason behind me bringing up this is because if I could acknowledge that god is all-knowledgeable in creating an intangible entity such as my mind which provides me with the idea of my existence (I think, therefore I am), then I need to consider the possibility of someone from the future to have possessed such knowledge i.e. who too can create a mind.
Someone from future as the creator –ontological paradox
In the world I live, I have “seen” and witnessed the so-called progression in science and advancement of technologies to have created so many things to benefit our lives –the lives of mine and the “puppets”. Because of the rapid changes throughout time, I consider the probability how much advancement in all these could go. Is it possible that the world I am supposedly to be living today be in a more comfortable state than what I am now? Thus, is it possible that I was created by someone from a distant future? In the first place, I mentioned that I acknowledged my creator to be all-powerful and all-knowledgeable because of his capabilities and abilities to create my mind, which is intangible and cannot even be seen.
But if there is someone who creates my mind to be me and puts me into the present, which happens to be before his time, then the question is; who created him? How can he exist without me, who needs to live so as to continue the timeline for him to create me?
What if that someone is a rather different being, though having the same properties as I do i.e. a mind that creates me yet different in some ways from in which I can never be able to create another mind? Moreover, he comes from the future. Firstly, I do not understand why I should accept that notion. He is different from me in terms of capabilities yet he is as same as I am in regards of having a mind (and probably a body). It is not necessarily that he could have created me but there could be others whom he created before me and live through the timeline for me to be born or exist. If that is the case, then the people around me are not “puppets” but real people –persons like myself with minds too. That someone could have created those like me before his time and suddenly because there is a change in time flow, the era he lives in is suddenly full of people. That probably reminds me of the plot in both novel and film titled Andromeda Strain –what an ontological paradox.
Here are some questions; where does he come from? Which time does he belong to? Who created him? And what is the point of him appearing in the distant future just to create entities like myself? More importantly, why should I be bothered about the second question of this paragraph in this case? I am as good as accepting only that there is a creator and he creates me.
But coming to this far gives me something to consider about; time.
I acknowledge that my creator is an all-powerful and all-knowledgeable being for having able to create a mind such as mine for me to identify and ponder about my existence. It would be a good question that I should ask who created my creator. Well, pursuing for an answer to this question will lead to never ending questions. Thus, all I could acknowledge is; there is something far greater than I am to have not only live such a long time but never born and never die; it is eternal. Unlike me who am bound by time, that something probably is not. Why could I not accept other incomprehensible attributes that are not given to me if I already acknowledge that something is all-powerful and all-knowledgeable? And why could I not accept that my creator is possibly eternal, seeming that he has the attributes which I described above? My mind is the evidence of his knowledge and power and because how it (my mind) is created is beyond my understanding, then he is possibly eternal. After all that is been shared, he cannot have been sharing the same attributes as I am since I cannot even duplicate my own mind. Because my creator is eternal, for all I know even time could be part of his creation.
Creator’s Attributes
Up to now, the only attributes I recognise in my creator are omnipotence, omniscience and eternal. Of course, he is unseen –but that does not necessarily mean he is invisible or the whole concept of my creator is just an idea. It is because he could probably be far away from where I am, yet at the same time he knows all about me as he is watching me. The attribute of omnipresence is probably applied between us for now since I have yet to be sure if the people around me are real i.e. possess a mind as I do.
I thought about the creator, whom I probably know him by god now, to share the same attributes as the demon. In other words, he is the god who is evil. But since I brought up the issue about the demon as my creator, then I should know that there is not a difference between god and demon in attributes. In the first place the moment I raised the question regarding the demon as my creator, I should be aware that I was assuming the creator to be evil. And that is already discussed; if god is evil i.e. deceiving me all the time, then either the solution of my life is to resort to suicide (as I no longer see any meaning to live) or strive to defeat him by living to my utmost best.
Now I turn to my creator and declare that he exists and I truly acknowledge his existence. But I have yet to find the purpose of my existence. And only he can provide me with the answer because he is the one who designed and created me and has been watching over me. Because I acknowledge he is the cause that I exist, because I acknowledge the notion of cause and effect, then all the experiences I had in life could not have possibly happened by chance. And the causes of these experiences could not have possibly been taken place on their own. Someone must have set all the other entities i.e. the sun and the “puppets” and etc., even if I have yet to acknowledge if they are ever real, to be in motion. There is no doubt in mind that the person who is possibly responsible for all these causes is my creator. It is only him now whom I am thinking of. It is only one of him. Thus I cannot be so sure if there are other entities such as him to do the tasks of setting or “programming” the other entities to behave according to what I see. I cannot be so sure if there is more than one creator. All I know is; I know there has got to be a creator who designed me.
And I ask again; what is the purpose of my existence? I will not expect him to appear before me as because I already doubt if my surrounding is real, then his appearance may not convince me at all. In a nutshell, I will still doubt if that is god himself who decided to approach and engage me directly.
And I want to know more about the cause and effect notion. All this while, I have been given knowledge as to what hurts or pleases me. Due to that, I am able to avoid what hurts me most and strive towards the objectives that benefit me. Say, I am hungry and I have been given with food. But understanding the nature of the food i.e. what it will cause and lead me to and what happens if I indulge too much in etc. will allow me to work in disciplining myself from too much consumption of it. In this way, the statement “ignorance is bliss” is no longer applicable no matter how tempting or delicious the food is. It is because I already understand what the food will do to me. I should never forget the notion between desires and reasons; to adopt the former would mean I am accepting being ignorant is bliss while adopting the latter would mean to avoid some inevitable dark destiny which lies ahead of me –more suffering, probably. Therefore due to the knowledge I am given, I could not be helped but thankful to my creator for having created me with such capability in order to avoid unnecessary pain to myself.
As I acknowledge that the ability to think is not the only gift by my creator, I should have also acknowledged that up to now I have been given with things to survive on, and needless to say the examples of these are food, water and air. These are essential for my survival, for without them no matter how much I believe that the world I live in is only an illusion I will still suffer to death. Once again if I could feel pain, then there is no doubt that death is real. But even if I still refuse to believe as such, do I really have to wait for it so as to see what lies ahead when that is probably a point of no return i.e. to live again?
And again and again the question lingers; what is the purpose of my existence? At this point, I should now decide to ponder again upon my surroundings. Maybe the “puppets” are not what I thought; they are probably as real as I am. Maybe I should acknowledge too that god has not created me without a purpose moreover when he has given me knowledge and the needs to sustain myself in this world. Probably he wants to guide me so as to find the purpose of my life which I have been searching all the while. But by now, I should acknowledge that god is not only all the attributes which I have explained above but he happens to be all-merciful and all-loving; my mistakes and errs are probably of him to guide me so as to reach to this far. Because I am now certain my creator is god, I shall now resume to my usage of addressing the Supreme Being i.e. “God” instead of “god” and “He” instead of “he”.
Because I acknowledge up to this far is the guidance by God, then I acknowledge too that my surroundings are as real as I am. “Returning” to the world that I once had doubts on, I realise that it is fraught with all sorts of contradictions in beliefs and faiths that I am clueless. Up to this point, I am beginning to acknowledge there is a purpose that God wants me to fulfil before my death. Thus despite all the contradictions, I believe God has a message for me in order of me to complete my journey in life. The obvious solution now is to study each of these ideologies and beliefs.
I remember mentioning in one of my previous entries that God cannot be the deceiver even if He wishes to guide me through His “puppets”. Thus, I have decided to acknowledge all around me is real. Yet because of the contradictions in beliefs, I am probably warned never to rely on my senses too much as what I sense may not be true i.e. having some forms of deceptions in it. Yet, I am probably advised not to entirely disregard my senses either as I may need them to determine the validity of the truth in certain things.
All praises be upon God!
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