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Originally, this entry was not as what you would be reading now. I thought it was alright of me to share what my vicious habits were. However, I decided that I did not want any confession of sexual activity. As much as I would want to share so as to get help from you readers, at the same time I do not want anyone to bear thoughts of me regarding how bad I am. God knows better, and He does.
And I think it is even wise of me not to confess because some of you who have already bear an animosity or sense of dislike towards me or my thought-processes (especially being philosophical, though I will not say that is the right word). Some of you might not already forgive me the misdeeds that I had done. Personally, I do not want anyone to pile up their dislike towards me by using what they know more about me so as to continue in their acts of ostracism on me.
Coming back to where we last stopped, I was as though confident to declare that there I have a creator and it’s God. In addition, I claimed that because, like Descartes, God is good in nature and thus, He will not deceive me. And therefore, the “puppets” around me are as real as I am. In a nutshell, they exist as I do with their individual minds, if you get my meaning.
I was caught by surprise that actually Descartes and I shared the same view of certain things. It is not that I am influenced by his thoughts, though you know that I was bugged so much when he raised an issue what if I am living in an illusion e.g. there is a demon deceiving me in my senses to experience empirically. The continuation of my thought-process below was written two days ago (today is 15th October) and I only stopped about Descartes coming to point which he claimed to feel pain to his body only yesterday. Of course, experiencing myself beforehand gives me an advantage to understand better of his message. Despite coming to views parallel to his however, I came through a different experience and thus may slightly differ in terms of opinions.
Now, I cannot deny that I have desires and cravings towards certain things in this world. And if the objects of my cravings are as illusionary as the “puppets”, then all the satisfactions and pleasures I attained all these years in my life are in vain. In a nutshell, I have been deceived into believing these things do give me happiness. If now I doubt whether such experiences in satisfying my desires are real, if I am ever tempted again, and if I chose to satisfy my desires for the sake of being in a state of pleasurable, then I guess the appropriate statement for my deeds are as the probably-famous statement in this world I live, “Ignorance is bliss”.
At this point, I realise I do have a creator but have yet to understand the purpose of my life. Needless to say, I have yet to understand who my creator is and what qualities he has. At the same time, I have desires. Because ignorance is bliss, should I return to where I first lived and resume to my normal life?
We went through about God in my previous entries. As abovementioned, I am still pondering about who exactly my creator is. I acknowledge that if I think, therefore I exist. And since I exist, I acknowledge there is a mysterious creator –and I don’t know him at all. If all this while I’ve come to known that the world is an illusion for me i.e. all around me does not exist including the people whom I consider them as “puppets”, it seems irony that I could easily be lured into a trap of my own desires. It’s like playing with a doll and talking to it, thinking it has a life but it’s all made of plastic. And then I acknowledge there’s a pleasure in falling into the trap.
But one thing for sure, despite the pleasures and satisfaction I earned through the fulfilment of my cravings, I felt physically and mentally pain. While I feel there is a sense of logic that I should now find means to avoid submitting to my temptations, the happiness however motivates me into rushing towards my desires. It is as though the happiness weighs more importance than the pain.
At this point, I come to a notion which I feel a need to acknowledge it; cause and effect. I did that and now I paid the price i.e. physically and mentally agonised. Yet at the same time, in the process of it I couldn’t deny how pleasurable it can be. So, what is the price should I choose to continue such habits? Somehow even if I know all around me is merely an illusion, I still find pleasure in doing it.
I came across sites that explain the side effects of what such behaviours and habits would lead to. Somehow, I do not have to continue doing it and then later coming to the stage where I am in a state of what these information had told me. It is because I already felt its pain even if I find it – I beg your pardon – enjoyable. Moreover, the information I came across mentioned how it was like to carry out such acts was nearly entirely parallel to my experiences. Could this information be telling the truth? Or is my creator who controls me toying with me?
At this point, I have to realise of two notions; desires and reasons.
In addition, I have two options now; either I can choose to be a slave to my desires and go back to where I came from so as to enjoy until I do suffer from the side effects or choose to reflect and contemplate how it will eventually destroy me (and thus, learn to avoid it).
Because I acknowledge the pain I incurred, I feel it is best if I were to strive to quit so as avoiding a probably inevitable destiny. But because my temptation is powerful, I am inclined in submitting to my desires, disregarding the danger of the outcome of me, empirically and mentally. And now, I am in a dilemma. Because I acknowledge the effects that take place in me yet hunger for the pleasures, so I wonder what I should do.
Even if I do not fear pain, is it still right of me to pursue my desire? I wish I could –and I want to. But is it the right thing to do?
Now, I suppose the argument is becoming incoherent. That particular desire is not the only thing which I am facing in my life. Rather, I am somehow being put into this world and go through obstacles as what some “puppets” do i.e. finding a job, studying in schools, living to an old age and die. If I continue this desire, even if I do not fear pain, there will be other consequences. Failing to restrain myself may result me in losing concentrations in my daily tasks. Surprisingly, there will be a consequence if I do not fulfil them. If I am student and need to study so as to obtain good results in school and graduate to find a job, it is only logical that I should refrain from succumbing to my desire so that I can give a full attention to my studies. Succumbing to my habits will waste precious time which can be used for other important tasks. Imagine if I stick to those habits and lose focus in my studies. There are chances that I may not do well in my grades and thus, I may even have to repeat a semester or year in school. There goes a bit of my future! I could have disciplined myself in holding back my horse but I choose not to. Can I thus acknowledge that as cause-and-effect?
As a person, there were some points in my life whereby I questioned what the meanings of doing certain things –and that happened whenever I did not have any motivation in them because I did not find the reason why I should be doing so. Assuming I have restrained my horse completely with a new direction in life and now doing other things, I would always be wondering what the purpose of whatever I am doing is. After all at this point, I have yet to acknowledge that the “puppets” around me do exist as I do. I am tired about life because I do not have any meaning in all the things that I do moreover knowing that you could be a “puppet” to hinder me from searching for the truth.
There I go again! What is truth? After acknowledging there is a creator, after being tired of my berserk horse as I will lose direction in life, after walking a new path from my useless steed (I am referring to my horse), I still find life absolutely meaningless because I do not know exactly what I want. I could be as rich as Donald Trump or Bill Gates. I can work towards the path of wealth. Yet coming to this far even if those around me are merely “puppets” which also happened to be used by me in achieving my goals, I still have not found the purpose of my life yet.
I do not know exactly what I want –if I could work so hard to accumulate wealth, then I must anticipate too that the world I live in has faced economic downfall before. The wealth I attained may no longer be valuable to me. It is because even currencies may be as worthless as dried leaves. I could get all the fame I want –but I must realise that I can lose them too.
Anticipating outcomes of certain paths in life, I now concede defeat that I do not have any real and absolute meaning in life. All I am aware is; I think, therefore I am. I am because of a creator. If this world that I live in is full of falsehood (i.e. everything I hear, see, smell, taste and touch may not necessarily be true as what my five senses tell me are merely electric signals interpreted by my brain or I myself am a puppet for the entertainment of a demon), then I should realise that all the things I have done in my life and in this world has been futile and pointless all along. More important since I brought up the issue about economic downfall, how can I be so sure of what has been provided for me, which is probably I know as history? What is the meaning of all these? What is the meaning of my life? What is the purpose of my existence? How can I be convinced that everyone exists?
Because I do not know anything, because I’ve been through the outcomes of certain actions either committed by me or the “puppets”, I want to know; what is the purpose of my existence?
With to that, only my creator can provide me with an answer. It is because he is the one who creates me. He designed me and gave me the ability to think –and he still does!
But the problem is; I do not know who he truly is!
[To be continued…]
Originally, this entry was not as what you would be reading now. I thought it was alright of me to share what my vicious habits were. However, I decided that I did not want any confession of sexual activity. As much as I would want to share so as to get help from you readers, at the same time I do not want anyone to bear thoughts of me regarding how bad I am. God knows better, and He does.
And I think it is even wise of me not to confess because some of you who have already bear an animosity or sense of dislike towards me or my thought-processes (especially being philosophical, though I will not say that is the right word). Some of you might not already forgive me the misdeeds that I had done. Personally, I do not want anyone to pile up their dislike towards me by using what they know more about me so as to continue in their acts of ostracism on me.
Coming back to where we last stopped, I was as though confident to declare that there I have a creator and it’s God. In addition, I claimed that because, like Descartes, God is good in nature and thus, He will not deceive me. And therefore, the “puppets” around me are as real as I am. In a nutshell, they exist as I do with their individual minds, if you get my meaning.
I was caught by surprise that actually Descartes and I shared the same view of certain things. It is not that I am influenced by his thoughts, though you know that I was bugged so much when he raised an issue what if I am living in an illusion e.g. there is a demon deceiving me in my senses to experience empirically. The continuation of my thought-process below was written two days ago (today is 15th October) and I only stopped about Descartes coming to point which he claimed to feel pain to his body only yesterday. Of course, experiencing myself beforehand gives me an advantage to understand better of his message. Despite coming to views parallel to his however, I came through a different experience and thus may slightly differ in terms of opinions.
Now, I cannot deny that I have desires and cravings towards certain things in this world. And if the objects of my cravings are as illusionary as the “puppets”, then all the satisfactions and pleasures I attained all these years in my life are in vain. In a nutshell, I have been deceived into believing these things do give me happiness. If now I doubt whether such experiences in satisfying my desires are real, if I am ever tempted again, and if I chose to satisfy my desires for the sake of being in a state of pleasurable, then I guess the appropriate statement for my deeds are as the probably-famous statement in this world I live, “Ignorance is bliss”.
At this point, I realise I do have a creator but have yet to understand the purpose of my life. Needless to say, I have yet to understand who my creator is and what qualities he has. At the same time, I have desires. Because ignorance is bliss, should I return to where I first lived and resume to my normal life?
We went through about God in my previous entries. As abovementioned, I am still pondering about who exactly my creator is. I acknowledge that if I think, therefore I exist. And since I exist, I acknowledge there is a mysterious creator –and I don’t know him at all. If all this while I’ve come to known that the world is an illusion for me i.e. all around me does not exist including the people whom I consider them as “puppets”, it seems irony that I could easily be lured into a trap of my own desires. It’s like playing with a doll and talking to it, thinking it has a life but it’s all made of plastic. And then I acknowledge there’s a pleasure in falling into the trap.
But one thing for sure, despite the pleasures and satisfaction I earned through the fulfilment of my cravings, I felt physically and mentally pain. While I feel there is a sense of logic that I should now find means to avoid submitting to my temptations, the happiness however motivates me into rushing towards my desires. It is as though the happiness weighs more importance than the pain.
At this point, I come to a notion which I feel a need to acknowledge it; cause and effect. I did that and now I paid the price i.e. physically and mentally agonised. Yet at the same time, in the process of it I couldn’t deny how pleasurable it can be. So, what is the price should I choose to continue such habits? Somehow even if I know all around me is merely an illusion, I still find pleasure in doing it.
I came across sites that explain the side effects of what such behaviours and habits would lead to. Somehow, I do not have to continue doing it and then later coming to the stage where I am in a state of what these information had told me. It is because I already felt its pain even if I find it – I beg your pardon – enjoyable. Moreover, the information I came across mentioned how it was like to carry out such acts was nearly entirely parallel to my experiences. Could this information be telling the truth? Or is my creator who controls me toying with me?
At this point, I have to realise of two notions; desires and reasons.
In addition, I have two options now; either I can choose to be a slave to my desires and go back to where I came from so as to enjoy until I do suffer from the side effects or choose to reflect and contemplate how it will eventually destroy me (and thus, learn to avoid it).
Because I acknowledge the pain I incurred, I feel it is best if I were to strive to quit so as avoiding a probably inevitable destiny. But because my temptation is powerful, I am inclined in submitting to my desires, disregarding the danger of the outcome of me, empirically and mentally. And now, I am in a dilemma. Because I acknowledge the effects that take place in me yet hunger for the pleasures, so I wonder what I should do.
Even if I do not fear pain, is it still right of me to pursue my desire? I wish I could –and I want to. But is it the right thing to do?
Now, I suppose the argument is becoming incoherent. That particular desire is not the only thing which I am facing in my life. Rather, I am somehow being put into this world and go through obstacles as what some “puppets” do i.e. finding a job, studying in schools, living to an old age and die. If I continue this desire, even if I do not fear pain, there will be other consequences. Failing to restrain myself may result me in losing concentrations in my daily tasks. Surprisingly, there will be a consequence if I do not fulfil them. If I am student and need to study so as to obtain good results in school and graduate to find a job, it is only logical that I should refrain from succumbing to my desire so that I can give a full attention to my studies. Succumbing to my habits will waste precious time which can be used for other important tasks. Imagine if I stick to those habits and lose focus in my studies. There are chances that I may not do well in my grades and thus, I may even have to repeat a semester or year in school. There goes a bit of my future! I could have disciplined myself in holding back my horse but I choose not to. Can I thus acknowledge that as cause-and-effect?
As a person, there were some points in my life whereby I questioned what the meanings of doing certain things –and that happened whenever I did not have any motivation in them because I did not find the reason why I should be doing so. Assuming I have restrained my horse completely with a new direction in life and now doing other things, I would always be wondering what the purpose of whatever I am doing is. After all at this point, I have yet to acknowledge that the “puppets” around me do exist as I do. I am tired about life because I do not have any meaning in all the things that I do moreover knowing that you could be a “puppet” to hinder me from searching for the truth.
There I go again! What is truth? After acknowledging there is a creator, after being tired of my berserk horse as I will lose direction in life, after walking a new path from my useless steed (I am referring to my horse), I still find life absolutely meaningless because I do not know exactly what I want. I could be as rich as Donald Trump or Bill Gates. I can work towards the path of wealth. Yet coming to this far even if those around me are merely “puppets” which also happened to be used by me in achieving my goals, I still have not found the purpose of my life yet.
I do not know exactly what I want –if I could work so hard to accumulate wealth, then I must anticipate too that the world I live in has faced economic downfall before. The wealth I attained may no longer be valuable to me. It is because even currencies may be as worthless as dried leaves. I could get all the fame I want –but I must realise that I can lose them too.
Anticipating outcomes of certain paths in life, I now concede defeat that I do not have any real and absolute meaning in life. All I am aware is; I think, therefore I am. I am because of a creator. If this world that I live in is full of falsehood (i.e. everything I hear, see, smell, taste and touch may not necessarily be true as what my five senses tell me are merely electric signals interpreted by my brain or I myself am a puppet for the entertainment of a demon), then I should realise that all the things I have done in my life and in this world has been futile and pointless all along. More important since I brought up the issue about economic downfall, how can I be so sure of what has been provided for me, which is probably I know as history? What is the meaning of all these? What is the meaning of my life? What is the purpose of my existence? How can I be convinced that everyone exists?
Because I do not know anything, because I’ve been through the outcomes of certain actions either committed by me or the “puppets”, I want to know; what is the purpose of my existence?
With to that, only my creator can provide me with an answer. It is because he is the one who creates me. He designed me and gave me the ability to think –and he still does!
But the problem is; I do not know who he truly is!
[To be continued…]
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